Archive for purpose

I wish I had a clear objective

but i guess i might as well be pondering the purpose of life. my life, anyway.

—though i think it’s just that relative. only to one particular person. and that the problem with philosophy, and atheists who like to ponder endlessly for a universal meaning behind things, is that nothing can just be generalized, and that we’d have to spend our whole lives just pondering different multiple scenarios and so on. but that’s besides the point, which is

i’m not sure if the direction my life is currently taking is the direction lives go.. to do whatever it is that lives do, which i guess is to be fulfilling. ah, i’m generalizing. and that is why we are so prone to generalize. to find a precedent for circumstances we don’t know how to deal with just yet.

but let’s see, possible objectives are:

  1. to be happy
  2. to get monies and be comfortable and eat foodie food and wear things from Therapy
  3. to make a difference in the world
  4. to help others around me

hmm.. seeing them listed here actually reaffirms my decision to take my two majors.

maybe i was just bummed that i wouldn’t be a famous artist or actress or innovative engineer. but i realize i don’t really want to be those. from what i’ve seen, art is so irrelevant; it offers no solutions and just perpetuates sentiments already prevalent in society, whether challenging it or embracing it. an actress is just as useless, if more so. an engineer… i wish i had gone into the major from the beginning. the environment of that major seems serious and the coursework seems rigorous yet gratifying. i think my logic in not pursuing that course is that i’d have to redo 1.5 yrs of coursework when i’ve already laid down a pretty stable foundation for my EPAP major. and i am genuinely interested in solutions at a large-scale policy level.

while doing managerial economics, which for me is the most practical thing i could do right now. and since i have the opportunity to pursue both, then both it is.

i’m so excited about this, i wonder if i really need a clear objective anymore…

it’s just sometimes when i think of all the potential i believed i had, i feel as if i’m somewhat settling on a major because i’m tired of living with such an overwhelming ambiguity. especially now that there’s a palpable sense of urgency for me to hurry up and get on with my life and be a contributing member to society already. at the same time, i’m too conscious of the paths not taken, the ones i haven’t discovered yet and that could lead to even more exciting unexplored possibilities. but it’s a good thing–it’s like believing in magic. it’s then i know i haven’t given up on enjoying life yet.

in all, i feel pulled in two main directions: the one forward compelling me to make the tough decisions already, while the other pulls back or at least defers decisions in favor of reveling in the possibilities of having as many options as i can before decisions define my limitations.

both sound collectively progressive though, so what am i even worried about…