Archive for January, 2010

I wish I had a clear objective

but i guess i might as well be pondering the purpose of life. my life, anyway.

—though i think it’s just that relative. only to one particular person. and that the problem with philosophy, and atheists who like to ponder endlessly for a universal meaning behind things, is that nothing can just be generalized, and that we’d have to spend our whole lives just pondering different multiple scenarios and so on. but that’s besides the point, which is

i’m not sure if the direction my life is currently taking is the direction lives go.. to do whatever it is that lives do, which i guess is to be fulfilling. ah, i’m generalizing. and that is why we are so prone to generalize. to find a precedent for circumstances we don’t know how to deal with just yet.

but let’s see, possible objectives are:

  1. to be happy
  2. to get monies and be comfortable and eat foodie food and wear things from Therapy
  3. to make a difference in the world
  4. to help others around me

hmm.. seeing them listed here actually reaffirms my decision to take my two majors.

maybe i was just bummed that i wouldn’t be a famous artist or actress or innovative engineer. but i realize i don’t really want to be those. from what i’ve seen, art is so irrelevant; it offers no solutions and just perpetuates sentiments already prevalent in society, whether challenging it or embracing it. an actress is just as useless, if more so. an engineer… i wish i had gone into the major from the beginning. the environment of that major seems serious and the coursework seems rigorous yet gratifying. i think my logic in not pursuing that course is that i’d have to redo 1.5 yrs of coursework when i’ve already laid down a pretty stable foundation for my EPAP major. and i am genuinely interested in solutions at a large-scale policy level.

while doing managerial economics, which for me is the most practical thing i could do right now. and since i have the opportunity to pursue both, then both it is.

i’m so excited about this, i wonder if i really need a clear objective anymore…

it’s just sometimes when i think of all the potential i believed i had, i feel as if i’m somewhat settling on a major because i’m tired of living with such an overwhelming ambiguity. especially now that there’s a palpable sense of urgency for me to hurry up and get on with my life and be a contributing member to society already. at the same time, i’m too conscious of the paths not taken, the ones i haven’t discovered yet and that could lead to even more exciting unexplored possibilities. but it’s a good thing–it’s like believing in magic. it’s then i know i haven’t given up on enjoying life yet.

in all, i feel pulled in two main directions: the one forward compelling me to make the tough decisions already, while the other pulls back or at least defers decisions in favor of reveling in the possibilities of having as many options as i can before decisions define my limitations.

both sound collectively progressive though, so what am i even worried about…



I just came back from a job interview. the job itself didn’t seem to demand too much from the description: as a crew member for freeborn rentals, i’d deliver supplies and set up for events.

i wasn’t nervous coming into the interview at all, but then the door opened, and a panel of judges faced me on the other side of a long conference table. and then… the shit hit the fan:

well, not really, but i just hadn’t anticipated so many questions and getting so thoroughly drilled about revealing personal characteristics.

though, i’ve got to admit, it was refreshing to be able to explain myself concisely, but also frustrating when i couldn’t find words sometimes. but all the while, i didn’t feel inadequate at all, just the process of presenting myself was the real challenge.

ich jetzt wisse, wie große Sätze in Deutsch zu machen!!! or I now know how to make awesome sentences in German!!!

I think I’m too excited about learning how to make subordinate phrases in German… but it’s how i operate! with long and complicated sentences that tie together nonetheless by loosely following grammar rules.

now i can pick up that german book i bought in berlin!


it’s actually quite the cool, if only a bit too off-center for my current liking…

query: why are all my links funked up?

A New Blog for a New Perspective

What a cheesy title. Nevertheless, completely vurt*:

I’m starting my sophomore winter quarter on an overall relieved note—albeit still tinged with a bit of anxiety.
But—gotta admit—this present anxiety’s considerably less severe than all my worrying has been up ’til now.

On the first day of winter 2010, I was contemplating taking on Science and Technology Studies (STS) as a second major in addition to Managerial Economics (ManEcon), which I actually have yet to apply and get into. When I first heard about the STS major (during a random lunchtime encounter with an STS major student eavesdropping on famous evolutionary biologists who had been sitting at an adjacent lunch table), it got me really excited because it made me realize how I like the concept of science, rather than the drudgery of executing scientific research. Although I had applied to UC Davis as an undergraduate in Biological Sciences, I entered my freshman year frequently searching for another major so I could switch out of Bio—it was a good entering major for me after all because I ended up taking care of a lot of prerequisites and major requirements from the start! Anyway, blahblahblah… I like the concept of science writing and appreciate the vast implications science and technology impose on society, which is why I was looking into STS, but I found it to be broad in attempting to tackle too many various topics in science, e.g. Pharmaceuticals, Healthcare, Sustainability, Cyborgs, etc., when I already had a focus in mind: Sustainability Reform. So I’m taking Environmental Policy Analysis and Planning, hopefully in addition to ManEcon.

So I have my goal, now I just to plan it out and achieve it.

Gawrsh, that bored me. I promise future posts will be amusing, for me at least. I think it’s because of this whole proper grammar, punctuation, spelling business is making me all proper and boring.
–wellp, it’s been a bit superfluous! …yet ultimately necessary at the same time…?



*made-up word. refer to